A Piece of Peace

After months of riding this roller coaster called life and spinning through it's highs and lows, I've found myself at the ol' notepad once again. The results were awe inspiring. Not only did writing down my feelings conclude to epic insights and new resolutions but it opened up my eyes to a fresh new outlook on my own life. The first writings I read started out negatively. The pen was my inner voice and the paper was my vessel, I was venting out all of my emotion but shortly after the darkest days of my life widdled down to a conclusion, a miracle of modern day hieroglyphics was discovered and I felt born again.

I once was lost but now I've found.. a major piece to this puzzle we call life. I decided to put the poetry into motion and piece some of the puzzle together. Although I was missing many pieces, I had found a few of the key components to living a truly happy life again.. and the puzzle pieces spelt out peace.

Not peace like the hippies will tell you, in that we should make love not war. Not coming to peace, like a broken hearted soul would explain to you when they finally mended theirs back together but peace in the sense that in life, God could call us forth into a new beginning. Following a new interpersonal relationship with Him, yourself and the most heavenly devine nature one could fathom. I am starting to believe I am definitely on the right track to getting there. I am not close but I'm definitely envisioning things in which I never could before. Giving Him my old life, my old stresses and my old fears and old beliefs, whitening them out with something called the "Holy Spirit", in that your sou is broken down, destroyed and made new. I've concluded today's thinking and broken it down into a short synopsis of my own individual intuition mixed in with an interpretation to implement your soul into an illustration of powerful inner introspect... how's that for alliteration? I even amazed myself there.

Another new quarrel. What is happiness? Every year it changes for me and now I am finding that it does not lay in riches or materials but experiences and dreams lived into reality. I find that happiness is like a salmon, you swim upstream your whole life, looking for that something, just to find the reward is much greater than you could have ever expected because of the journey endured to get there. I've had these crazy epiphany's where I feel like one day I will see the a greater love given to me than the love I have given back to this world. If I can imagine it then why can't it be possible? But fundamentally there are certain things that need to happen in precedent to pursing my destination for eternal happiness.
Firstly, I believe it is crucial that you find your soul's symbolization of what is true inside of yourself. Building a divine mind takes a lot of self discipline and self respect which I am still in the process of working on. After being jaded many times in the past, the struggle to find undying trust in someone again is an upstream battle. Despite what the naysayers will tell you, I think if we all see the good in one another the positivity that will come out of it will change the way you view the world and even more so, the way others will see it as well. Even something as simple as taking an outsider's outside the box outlook on life and piecing his journey to yours and really sharing the gifts of life with one another, I believe that this is what really makes the world go round. In that, I want to spark minds of this generation to start thinking out of the box and question traditional thought until they find the absolute truth because in 23 years of life I have yet to meet one person who claims to know the truth based on their knowledge or belief system alone. I refuse to rebuke, rather choose to relate and restore. One love.

Poem for Mom

Mama there can be no way for me to explain
all my love and gratitude
Even though there were times growing up
when I gave you attitude
Despite all the troubles you stayed strong
and always kept it real
There are no words that can express
just how you make me feel
When my world got dark and gloomy
you were my shining star
You shone your light down on me
believed that I'd go far
There's times where I would catch you
with a tear in your eye
We have the same overwhelming emotion
it would always make me cry
When I was a little kid I loved getting into
all different kinds of trouble
As I got older you were there to pick me up
when I'd fall down and stumble
When my world seemed helpless
you were always there for me
You never left my side
you cared unconditionally for me
When I went through a string of tough times
my life felt rather hopeless
You picked up the phone and helped me
get my vision back into focus
Even at my lowest point
when you picked me up from the jail
You taught me I could find the gate to heaven
from going through this hell
To me it's unbelievable
the strength and wisdom you carry
I pray that my wife has half the traits
that you do when I marry
There are times when I get lonely
I wish that you were here
Cause there is no one else who can tell me
exactly what I need to hear
Being a man sometimes I hold back my emotion
and try to act so tough
But the fact is I miss you every day
even if I don't say it much
You raised me to be respectful to women
and be a role model to kids
You're a beautiful soul I hope I can impact
as many lives as you did
I wish there were a way to pay you back
for all you've done for me
I could spend the rest of my life giving
that won't justify a thing
All I can do is give you my love
to show you I understand
Be proud that your pumpkin seed
has grown into man
I will love you always and forever
try to take care of your needs
All I could ask from you now
sit back and enjoy this life please
Because through it all you truly deserve
to be the happiest woman alive
Look at all you've done for us
I thank the Lord that you gave me life

The Universe is a Mad Man with a Real Sense of Humor

The six month mark. Tonight, I take a step away from my ordinary day-to-day day train of thought to attempt an anatomy of the past half year living in the big city. From a sports perspective, this is a recap on the last few big plays and blunderments that went down in my life with a moral to the story. The transition from K-Town to Vancity was great, I admired the big city growing up I felt like I needed to be here one day. Touched down Nov 1st and quickly soaked up all that the city has to offer. Of course, in the beginning there were times I felt home sick. I missed not having my close friends around, being around the fam and eating mom's home cooked meals and most importantly, not being able to visit with my grandparents every Sunday. It was rough but that's just the price of growing up. After getting settled down and moving furniture in like it was an ikea convention, I was on my feet almost instantly. Found a crib in the heart of the city, got connected with the electrical union and landed a job shortly after. It's all gravy.

Without any notice, my world wanted to take a turn in a different direction than I had planned. I learned the hard lesson that "nothing's ever promised tomorrow, today." Shit became real. My views on life, career choices and relationships would change. For better or for worse you ask? Well, I'm going to dissect the changes that went down in my world or my "808's and Heartbreaks" so to speak (wow thats two Kanye references in one post). With that said, I've come to a sense of realization that some of the really negative things that happened to me... actually... happened for a reason... in some strange but wonderful way... Go figure?

I felt like I was about to start a fresh, new life in the city. Little did I know that it would soon become literally.. a new life. Originally, I planned on moving here to be closer to my girlfriend who just landed a job the previous month. She asked me to come be with her and I didn't hesitate for a second. But as soon as we touched down and lived apart in different pads, we realized that we had became two very different people and didn't share the same dreams anymore. After all, if you don't share the same dreams and ambitions then what do you have? Mentally and emotionally that was a tough hit to take. Especially after four years invested into someone who you want to believe is your soulmate only to find out they were never truly the one. As much as that hurt, I gave myself some time to mend the wounds and heal up emotionally. I started to write like Shakespeare on steroids to release four years of emotion.

After the shake up from the break up I told myself I'd start concentrating on me and figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. I suddenly lost interest in being an electrician, discontinued my apprenticeship and realized that just wasn't me. The universe pointed me in the right direction. I fell in love with creative writing and figured I'd go for a journalism in broadcasting degree and maybe one day write about one of my passions. Writing became medicinal for me, I jotted down what was on my chest and interpreted it as a beautiful art. An artist can even find the true beauty in even the most ugly images. I started to take the positives out of the negatives and turned feces into fertilizer. I had no choice but to take myself on and open my eyes. fight off my demons. Now I see these changes as a sequence of life learning blessings in disguise. Without the universe asking me, it created a whole new world where I could reach my potential and live out my real dreams. Incredible.

Well, I've lived and I've learned
I've taken and I've earned
I have laughed, I have cried
I failed and I have tried
Felt the sunshine and the rain
I found joy through my pain
To find out I'm happy
Just
Being
Me...