Definition. It is our life story. Our own personal statement to the world expressed underneath every thought, word, action and choice we make. Definition commences the day you set foot on this earth and consummates the moment you take your last breath. What is left is your own personal legacy. When it is all said and done, it will be your permanent imprint in the world and the lives of others.
Looking back on the life I have lived so far and looking ahead to the yet unknown that is to come, it's clear to see that we have been defining ourselves all throughout life. From the moment we could differentiate and decipher the world as toddlers we have been laying down the ground work of our self-definition. Over the years as an adolescent to your teenage years to where you are now, there has been a construction in the making. Designing and creating everything about yourself, from the things you love to the clothes you wear to the people you choose to complete your circle of influence.
This made me think about a few things. For instance, the essence of who I really am. This alone intrigued me to write about self definition. Little did I know in writing this, the process would act as a huge mirror, reflecting back to me the true image of my life, as a result bringing me closer to the whole of who I am. A lot of my self identification and understanding has come from writing. I hope in reading my words you can also come to visualize a more vivid reflection of yourself.
"There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a pen to write." ~W M Thackeray (1811-1863) Novelist
What defines a human being? If you asked the average person, they might tell you it is their profession or job title. Others might define themselves by their nationality or where they come from. Maybe it is a church, club or group they belong to. Some may even describe to you their car, house or some other material possession. None of these even scrape the surface of true definition. All of these responses serve as a cover up from what is genuinely inside each individual. If you don't believe me, ask the next person you see what defines them and you will be amazed. It's incredible what people believe defines their lives. The truth of the matter is, not many people know a lot about themselves.
The main reason being we spend up to 80% of our lives learning, adjusting, conforming, complaining about, and falling into social behavior. We spend another 15% making improvements and adapting to the process of domestication while dealing with bad habits of our own. This leaves a mere 1-5% spent learning about the person we spend 100% of our time with. Something is strangely wrong with this picture.
We are so busy trying to keep up with everyone around us, struggling to satisfy the standards of someone else, putting up fake fronts in hopes that we will be accepted in return. Meanwhile, in this life of constant conformity we forget about ourselves and what makes us happy. Subliminally, we avoid this because when it comes to seeing the real truth within ourselves, we do not confront what is within, instead we look for comfort and recognition in other people. People will carry on their whole lives and marriages like this, it beats them down, kills their spirits and drains their hopes of living out the actuality of their life goals and dreams, eventually becoming a slave to everyone but themselves.
If we continue on living life like this we become no more than a sponge, absorbing experiences without being able to reflect on them. Continuously striving to win the approval of others, desperately hoping that these people we please will end up being our saving grace. All the while, never getting a chance to realize who you really are and unleash all of your unlocked potential. There is no limit to the amount you can do or achieve once you have the key to your heart's potential but when we settle with the illusion of "this is the way it is" type mentality, there will be no forward progression because the blind will be leading the blind. Take a minute to stop and realize the realness within oneself.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who live comfortably and those who live courageously. Although, only one of them gets to really live. Up until now everything that you believe about yourself has either helped you progress or held you back. Take your past 6 months for example and use this as a test of your true self-definition. If you have been taking steps forward in personal and career standpoints, taking risks and enjoying the journey, that is a strong indication you are in tune with yourself and are gaining definition. On the other hand if you can see yourself walking in circles, having great ideas but clinging to your safety net then you may need to redefine the image of yourself. There are some people I have run into recently, giving me excuses or justification as to why they are stuck and unhappy. These types of people all share one common characteristic: they have a false belief of who they are. It could be due to years of listening to others telling them how to be, act, and live. Or it could even be from the way they were brought up and under what conditions. If you want to start moving forward again and gain your definition, stop worrying about what you aren't and start focusing on what you are.
"It is better to be a naked tree without leaves than a fake plastic tree with plastic leaves."
We have become programmed on being told that at times we forget to listen to the voice within. It becomes idle and our lives become fixated on the opinions of our family, friends, co-workers, and other sources of influence. These opinions take control of your life and ultimately your fate is in their hands. If you don't make your own choices, I can assure you somebody else will for you. Take back total control of your life and start living for you again. It will benefit not just you but everyone else around you.
It's not always other people that hold us back from gaining definition, most of the time (and in my own case) it is ourselves. We lose track of our dreams and sense of direction because we create limits that border us. They cut off our natural tendency to progress ahead as human beings and live a life of purpose. People can be prisoners of their own concepts and ideas. They can be slaves to their own selves. Try releasing these limits and see how you feel. Realize the mind is finite but your potential is infinite. Gaining the key to your potential is found in your heart. Self love is an act of inconspicuously covering up the unaccounted insecurities you failed to confront in the past. My friend Chrissy once told me, "When we fall in love with ourselves that love will lift our spirits to unimaginable heights. That's how we reach our dreams." These words have stuck with me and helped me in my journey, as I hope they do the same for you.
Self-definition does not mean you are perfect and have conquered self. You will never be able to do that, you're purpose is never over until you are dead and gone. Having self-definition means you will have the courage and persistence to follow the unchanging heart. By analyzing the choices we have made, we can remain confident and persevere through anything because we will own the liberty that we have been true to ourselves. Even when life throws you blows, your spirit won't be dampened because you will already be in a pool of enthusiasm. Self-definition is a journey which never ends, you will continuously be faced with choices and tests to be exercised by strength of your heart to ensure you are still in charge and the creator of your own self. Be aware of the persuasive ways of people who will attempt to manipulate you and steal you away from yourself. It takes much courage and will power to be yourself in a world where everyone wants to make you like them. At times it may result in negative situations like losing a job or having a significant other break it off with you. As long as you can remain content that it is happening for a reason to being you to a better place, made for you, not the previous pretend you. Being the real you is tough, people will reject you for the choices you make. By it is in them rejecting us that they bound themselves rather than us. They deny the values that we stand for and the independence of choices that make us different. People are naturally against what isn't normal and comfortable to them so don't take offense when you stand up for who you are and have haters. You'll come to find those haters are secretly your biggest fans in disguise.
Being individual and having great self worth comes with a price. It can be lonely standing up for something you believe in than defines you when there is no one behind you. Let's be honest, no one likes to be alone. It is in that solitary confinement where we create this realm of loneliness and feel the need to escape from this feeling of isolation. But it is in these moments of withdrawal that we can really extract all of the clutter and distraction we surround our lives with. These moments serve enormous significance and importance because virtually the only moment we will always and forever have is the sound of our own voice. Some choose to ignore it but we have no choice but to listen to it. That being said, who better to seek wisdom from than the wisdom we hold deep within. Think about the great thinkers of our time; their great ideas and philosophies on life came to them when they were in subtle solitude. Newton under a tree, Jesus in cave, Moses on a mountain top, Buddha in the wild, the list goes on. Anyone who knew these men personally would tell you they were like no one else. Maybe they were so unique because they took the time to study themselves and in the process of listening to their own voices they heard God, discovered gravity and explained relativity. In the search for God we may find ourselves but it is in the search for ourselves where we really find God because we are gaining one's definition, the message of G.O.D. demystified.
"For me, the voice of God, of conscience, of truth mean one and the same." ~Gandhi
